


What It Means

by hoywfiction



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Cussing, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, References to Depression, a realistic au (or maybe it's not an au who knows), as per usual with them tbr, delirious and evan are in their own little world and the boys are good friends, minicat if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 14:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12300945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoywfiction/pseuds/hoywfiction
Summary: Evan's acting strange and it's up to Jonathan to help him, Luke is a supportive friend, and Nogla writes a fanfiction.(Or, a semi-realistic story of how H2OVanoss realise they're in love. Because I was inevitably going to write something gay for this fandom.)





	What It Means

"God dammit." It was a phrase spoken a lot when they were playing, but it had to have been the way he said it that caught everyone off guard because the chat went silent. A notification popped up at the bottom of the screen declaring that Vanoss had left the game, and that was that.

"Okay, seriously. Is he okay?" Brock was the one who eventually spoke with concern. Everyone else muttered a couple of words, but nobody had an answer because _dammit_ , they had no idea. This had been a reoccurring theme for the past couple of weeks with Evan, not the quitting mid-game part but the general depression that came from him. There would be a day when it was entirely obvious, a grace period in between where everything seemed normal, but then it would cycle back. It was getting so intense that even people in the comments section of videos were starting to say something.

"Has he talked to any of you about what's going on?" Tyler asked, sounding more exhausted than he ever had before in his life. Maybe Evan thought he was saving them some sort of trouble by bottling everything up but the truth was he was just driving them sick with worry.

"I tried," said David, softer than usual, aimlessly making his hideous character run around in a circle. "He just said he was fine."

"Yeah, well obviously not," Brian chimed in, sounding somewhere between frustrated and concerned.

"Delirious?" He didn't reply so Tyler cleared his throat and tried again. "Delirious…”

"Yeah. Sorry." Somewhere in his head David hoped that nobody was still recording, because he never wanted to hear that amount of heartbreak in his friend's voice ever again.

"You okay?" he asked. They could all hear the shaky breath Jonathan took in response to that.

"I’m… worried. I'm gonna… go try to call him. I'll talk to you all later."

"Good luck," Brock said, a little bit of hope finding its way into the words.

"Keep us posted," Brian tacked on. Then the game alerted them that H2O Delirious had left.

"Should we be worried about him too?" Tyler said almost immediately after.

"Probably," David mumbled sadly. For a couple of seconds nobody said a word, trapped in their heads with racing thoughts.

"Jesus christ, what's going on with our group guys?" Brian outburst, voice cracking halfway through, but there wasn't anything funny about it for once.

"Hopefully, uh…" Tyler paused for a moment, inhaling sharply before continuing. "Hopefully something we can fix."

 

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly Evan didn't answer Jonathan's call that night, which hurt the rest of the crew for two reasons. One: Obviously Evan was their friend, for most of them one of their best friends. Seeing him so down, not knowing why, and now watching him isolate himself… It worried them all. Two: The next day, as everyone (minus Evan) gathered on a Discord call, it sounded like Jonathan was about to cry. And none of them could take that.

"Woah, hey, it's alright," Lui said in an attempt to comfort him, but they could still hear the way Jonathan's breath was catching in his throat.

"You okay, man?" Scotty, the newcomer to the call, asked.

"No I'm not fucking okay," Jonathan snapped, but there was barely any energy behind his words, making him sound that much more broken. "This whole thing's not okay."

"We know," Ryan said softly, "and that's why we're all here. Okay?"

"So what _is_ going on exactly? What happened last night?" Anthony piped up.

"We all know he's been a little bit off lately," David began, only to be cut off by Luke.

"Evan?"

"Yes _Evan_ , Toonz," Tyler stated sharply, picking up where David had left off. "Well last night we were playing GTA and he just quit in the middle of it."

"Did he say why?" Craig inquired.

"He just said _god dammit_ then was gone," Brian told him, letting out a sigh at the end of his sentence. "I know it’s stupid, but… I miss him."

"That isn't stupid," Marcel responded quietly.

"How're we supposed to help if he won't talk to us?" Jonathan got out, his tone shifting from before to something slightly darker.

"I'll try to call him again," Craig said, muffled as he moved to get his phone.

"He won't answer," Jonathan spat out angrily. With that, he disconnected.

"For fuck's sake," David said miserably in his thick accent, audibly removing his headset and putting it down on his desk. Feeling as if there were a heavy weight resting on his shoulders, Brian scooped up his phone and sent a desperate text he didn't even expect Evan to read.

 _to Vanoss_ |    ** _can you at least answer del before he loses it?_**

 

* * *

  

 _from Terroriser_ |    ** _can you at least answer del before he loses it?_**

Evan stared at the message for way too long, so long that the words didn't even feel real anymore. What did any of this have to do with Jonathan? Was he alright?

Was it his fault…?

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a shuddering breath. He was too tired for this… but Jonathan was one of his best friends. He couldn't just…

He went to his recent calls, swallowing as he saw the name Delirious highlighted in red with a (4) beside it. Not to mention the endless unread texts. God, he was probably worried as all hell and Evan was making it worse by ignoring everyone. Before he could rethink it he hit Jonathan's number and pressed the phone to his ear. It barely was through ringing for the second time when it clicked, his friend picking up.

“Vanoss? Hey!” He sounded close to overjoyed, and Evan let out a soft exhale of laughter. “Evan. Hi. How are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Delirious…” He thought for a long moment, then closed his eyes, gripping the phone tighter. “I mean…”

“I know you’re not. It was a stupid question.” Jonathan laughed nervously on the end of the line. “Talk to me, man, what’s going on?”

For a split second, Evan felt his head spin because he had no clue how to answer that. There were so many things going on all at once and he wasn’t sure which of said things was actually making him behave how he was. Eventually he opened his mouth again, throat feeling tight, but he managed to speak. “Just… too much time alone with my thoughts I think.”

He wasn’t lying about it either, one of the biggest problems was that he felt really alone lately. He had friends close by, of course he did, but nobody knew him like the guys and they all lived so far away. There had been several times in the past couple days that he’d seriously considered just buying a ticket to Ireland, or Indiana, or Orlando, or…

“You’re not alone. You know that. You have all of us, dude… You have me.” To visit Jonathan. That was really what Evan wanted, more than anything, but after hiding his face for so long he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to let him come over out of the blue.

“I’m sorry,” Evan said quietly, and Jonathan gave a ghost of the distinct Delirious laugh everyone was used to.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry, I want you to feel better,” he declared, and even with the crushing he’d felt in his chest for about a month now, Evan smiled. “‘Cause, you know. I love you and stuff.”

“That’s fuckin’ gay,” Evan snickered. This time when Jonathan laughed, it was a sound that was more familiar.

“Shut up you bitch,” he chided, but the affection in his voice undermined the words almost entirely.

 

* * *

 

Things weren’t exactly back to normal from there, but they improved. They could get through a gameplay without Evan having some sort of meltdown or making too many dark comments. Fans started picking up on it less and less, Evan and Jonathan were talking every day and, even though Evan hadn’t revealed exactly what was bothering him Jonathan was keeping the others in the loop. For two months everything was relatively steady. Then something bad happened.

It was three in the morning when Jonathan’s phone went off. He woke up, confused before he realized what was going on. His phone was on do not disturb at night, but he had one person on emergency bypass, and that person was Evan. He snatched up the device and answered, hopping out of bed and scrabbling around for the lights.

“Are you okay?” It was the first thing off his lips, voice deep and rough from sleep. The answer he got wasn’t even close to something he wanted to hear. Evan was crying.

“I-I don’t know,” he stuttered out, struggling to breathe by the sounds of it. Jonathan’s blood ran cold and he froze in place, hand pressed against the wall as it stopped its search for the switch. “I can’t… I don’t… Wh-What’s happening…”

“Hey, Vanoss, breathe. Okay? Breathe,” Jonathan instructed, foregoing the lights and bolting into the next room where his computer was, nearly tripping over his own feet on the way. Balancing the phone between his shoulder and his ear, he woke up the monitor and opened a window as fast as he could.

“I can’… I don’t know… I don’t know what’s happening…” Evan choked. Use deep breathing, that was the first note on how to stop a panic attack according to Jonathan’s Google search. And clearly that wasn’t going to be possible.

“Evan, listen to me, okay?” he said, scanning the other suggestions hurriedly. “Close your eyes. Okay?”

“Okay, okay.” He could practically _hear_ Evan shaking. He clenched his jaw, trying not to get worked up himself.

“Think of something that makes you happy. Uh, like YouTube, or hockey—” Jonathan began, fumbling to think of things in the heat of the moment.

“You,” Evan cut in, voice watery but firm, then after a beat, “all of you.”

Despite himself Jonathan grinned a little at that. “Well remember that vacation you all took to San Diego? Marcel tried to ride the railing at the beach and fell in the sand, remember?”

“You wouldn’t fucking come no matter what we said,” Evan added, still shaken up but clearly starting to calm down.

“Hey!” Jonathan scolded playfully. “I had my reasons.”

“Nogla ate so much at that one restaurant that he got sick,” Evan continued, reminiscing on his own now. “And Craig tried to snorkel in really shallow water.”

“Don’t forget when Fourzero hid Brian’s wallet on the pier,” Jonathan added, and Evan laughed lightly. Silence took over but it wasn’t uncomfortable, just… calm.

“I’ve… never had a panic attack before,” Evan said weakly, fear still prevalent in his voice. “I didn’t know I _could_ have them.”

That was almost more heart wrenching than hearing him in tears, and Jonathan sighed sadly, looking down at his feet. “Do you know what brought it on?”

He took some time to reply, swallowing hard enough that Jonathan heard it through the phone. “Delir… Jon, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

He frowned as he fell back into his office chair. “Is there anyone who could come over for the night?”

“I…” Evan cut himself off and Jonathan’s stomach flopped. “Never mind. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“Are you okay?” Jonathan jumped in before Evan could hang up, dead air following the question. Instead of crying this time around Evan hummed.

“I think so… Are you?”

Jonathan mimicked him, humming at the same pitch, which made him laugh and that was all that mattered. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

 

* * *

 

“That’s weird.” Jonathan let out a breath and Luke frowned a little bit at it.

“It was scary,” he corrected, voice mixed with the sounds of street traffic. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“But you figured it out,” Luke pointed out as he migrated into his kitchen, pulling the pot of coffee out to pour himself another mug.

“I guess so. I just wish I could do more, _be_ there…” Jonathan replied, sounding defeated. Luke put the pot down mid-pour and wrapped his fingers around his phone again, leaning back against the counter and folding his other arm over his chest.

“Alright. Not that Evan isn’t important, because he is, you know I love ‘im. But what’s going on with _you_?” he demanded, receiving a startled sound from his friend. “Where’s my high-energy, spastic Jonny?”

“What? Me?” Jonathan interjected, voice raising an octave in surprise. “Nothing! I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” Luke said pointedly. He picked up his coffee and weaved through the kitchen as he made his way to his office room. “We’re all worried but it’s been above and beyond with you.”

“No! No, I just— I’m— It’s, uh—”

“I like to think I know you pretty well, dude,” Luke cut him off, sitting at his desk and placing his mug down beside him as he faced his computer. “So don’t try to lie to me. Please.”

Jonathan let out a sound similar to a growl. “Fine.”

Luke paused, fingers hovering over his keyboard. “Fine?”

“Yes, fine!” Jonathan barked nervously. “Fine! Maybe I care about him a little bit too much. And I don’t know what that means yet so don’t go telling anyone you dick!”

He knew it was a serious confession that would probably change his friend’s life in some way, but Luke couldn’t help the slight laughter that fell from his lips as he continued on with his task. “I won’t, brother, chill out.”

“Right, sorry.” Jonathan cleared his throat. “Um, you don’t sound…”

“I’m not surprised. Like I said, I know you,” Luke replied fondly while searching around for his wallet. “And you already came out to me like five years ago, remember?” The noise he’d been hearing in the background of the call stopped as, Luke assumed, Jonathan went inside. He finally located his credit card and went back to the office, shifting the phone so it was nestled against his shoulder. “You home now?”

“Yeah, just got back. Why?” Jonathan asked while Luke typed in some information and clicked a few things.

“You near your computer?” he asked as he brought up his gmail. He could hear Jonathan’s skepticism, and he had to try his best not to laugh again.

“I can be… Why?” he asked warily, and Luke shrugged even though he couldn’t see him.

“Go check your email,” he said smugly, putting his phone on speaker and placing it on the desk. He heard Jonathan climbing the stairs and he sat back, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting.

“…No. No way.” Luke chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand as the excitement in Jonathan’s voice spiked. “ _What!_ Luke! No fucking way. You didn’t!”

“I did,” he laughed, “and there’s no refunds so you have to use it.”

“Oh my god.” He sounded like he was going to cry, but in a good way. Luke grabbed his mug, taking a sip of coffee.

“Go make our buddy happy again, okay?” he said as he removed it from his mouth. “We all need him.”

 

* * *

 

The scratching of his blades against the frozen ground and of blood pounding in his ears were the only things filling Evan’s mind. He was laser-focused on the net at the other side of the ice, speeding towards it as fast as he could, the puck gliding along in front of him. As soon as he was in range he reeled back and swung his stick…

He missed. Anger flared up inside him so intensely it could have melted the rink, but it died out in an instant, replaced with something that was so dull he couldn’t even consider it an emotion. He stared at the little black object without blinking, head hung, mind blank.

“Gotta close up, Evan,” called the owner of the rink from the top of the stairs. He snapped out of it, glancing in the direction of the voice. He had to have been there for a few minutes at least, and Evan shook his head to clear the fog before collecting the puck and skating off the ice.

“Thanks for letting me use it,” he said as the owner, a nice older man named Frank, came down towards him.

“You know you’re always welcome,” he said, grinning and clapping Evan on the shoulder before moving to lock the rink’s door. Evan nodded once then sat down at the nearest bench and began unlacing the skates. “Long as you’ve come here I’ve never seen you miss a shot. You alright?”

He pulled the first boot off, wiping down the blade before putting the cover on it. Frank was almost like a second father to him, had run this place ever since Evan started hockey as a little kid. But even so he didn’t feel like explaining the things he could barely explain to himself. “I’m alright.”

He got his other skate undone and slipped into his normal shoes, standing up to find Frank studying him, making him feel hot in his skin. “Don’t believe you, but I’m gonna say okay,” the old man said, half a scowl on his lips. “But if you need anything you got my number.”

“Really, I’m good,” Evan reassured him, forcing a smile. Frank rolled his eyes but didn’t press anymore, so the two of them walked out of the building together. Frank gave him one more pat on the back before they split up, the older man heading for his car and Evan heading for the train.

Luckily nobody seemed to recognize him on his way home. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to face a fan wondering why he wasn’t uploading as often anymore, he wasn’t sure he’d have an answer. A few trains later and he was at his final stop. He walked down the route to his house, skates dangling from his fingers by the laces, his head down. He just wanted to get into his room, forget about all those failed shots on the ice, forget about everything in his head. It was nearing the time that Jonathan usually called at so at least he had that to look forward to…

His body stopped moving before his mind could figure out why. Soon enough it caught up and he furrowed his eyebrows. On his porch was a figure, some guy, wrapped in a light blue jacket with a duffle bag tossed over his shoulder. He was looking from his phone to the house, glancing through the windows before knocking on the door. Cautiously Evan walked a little closer. He placed his skates down quietly in the lawn as he approached.

“Hello?” he said, and the figure whirled around. The guy looked shocked, round blue eyes meeting Evan’s, short brown hair poking out from under his drawn up hood. “Sorry, do I know you?”

The guy swallowed, then nodded, a nervous smile appearing on his face. “Hi, Vanoss.”

Evan’s heart skipped a beat. His eyes went wide. Time seemed to slow down and his mouth fell open in disbelief. For a few seconds he forgot how to breathe. “ _Delirious?_ ”

He nodded and laughed, that unmistakable and _oh so familiar_ laugh, and Evan knew it was true. He couldn’t stop himself. He ran forward and threw his arms around him, tucking his face against the side of his friend’s neck and laughing joyfully. Jonathan hugged back just as tight, letting out a long breath and resting his forehead against Evan’s shoulder.

For the first time in weeks, Evan completely forgot that anything was wrong.

 

* * *

 

The original plan was to stay for three days then go home, but it had been eight and here Jonathan was, still in Canada. He and Evan had spent literally every waking moment together, doing things from going out to breakfast to sightseeing around Toronto. Yesterday they’d gone to the aquarium, and Jonathan was still wearing the ‘Shark Vader’ shirt Evan had gotten him.

In person, Jonathan found he was even more drawn to Evan than before. He wasn’t much different than how he was online, or over text or call. But he _was_ different. He was much more soft-spoken and affectionate, just like the other guys would say about him. He was also so easy to talk to.

They hadn’t addressed the elephant in the room though despite all that, and as more time passed Jonathan wondered if he should try to bring it up. But Evan seemed so happy, they’d even gotten a few videos done. Hey didn’t want to ruin it. Maybe they’d get to it eventually, but for now, he was content to just enjoy his time with his best friend.

“Come _on_ , get on camera,” Evan urged, on a Skype call with a couple of the guys. He’d just told them for the first time that Jonathan was at his house, so naturally they were curious about what he looked like since before now Luke was the only one to ever see his face.

“No!” he shot back, partially laughing, sat on the other end of the sofa. Evan glanced over at him with a smile and his eyes catching the light. Jonathan felt warmth spreading through his entire chest. It was a normal thing that happened when he was in Evan’s presence, he’d found out pretty quickly after arriving. He just felt… _good_ around him. Important. Cared about maybe.

“Ohhh, come on Delirious,” Tyler sing-songed through the computer screen. The others started giggling in the background.

“No Piggy, and that’s _final!_ ” he shouted humorously as he curled up against the arm of the couch.

“What’s he look like Evan? Is he ugly? Is that why he doesn’t let people see him?” David teased. Jonathan snickered.

“Not as ugly as you, Nogla!” he quipped.

“No, nooo. He’s not ugly,” Evan chuckled, catching Jonathan’s attention. Though he seemed not to notice, or he was purposely ignoring it, because he continued looking at the guys on the laptop. One of them catcalled, Scotty if the laughter following it matched up.

“He’s probably pretty. Like a _moooodel_ ,” Brian declared. He was trying for a joke but none of them understood it, so everyone snorted at him.

“What kind of gay shit, Terroriser…” Tyler burst out, Brian‘s whines of protest starting to wind up.

“He _is_ like a pretty version of his little Xbox character,” Evan said simply, to which everyone stopped, Jonathan included. Nobody said anything but Evan didn’t seem to mind, instead he glanced over towards Jonathan and shrugged. He was glad he hadn’t decided to show his face today because if he had the guys would see how flustered he was.

“WHAT KIND OF GAY SHIT, VANOSS!” Tyler repeated to put an abrupt break in the silence, and they all lost it. Aside from Jonathan, who was watching Evan laugh like people watched their brides walk down the aisle on their wedding day.

“Delirious.” He blinked, drawing himself back into the real world, to find Evan was looking back at him with a soft grin on his face. The other guys were having their own conversation, not paying attention to the two of them. Jonathan smiled back.

“What?” he asked quietly. With a gentle huff Evan waved him over, inviting him to come closer. He hesitated, but after a moment slid down the couch so that he was nearer, making sure his face was still out of shot of the camera. He was close enough that Evan could put his arm on the back of the sofa behind him though, apparently.

Evan and the crew continued talking, the focus shifting from Jonathan’s presence to more important matters, like what games they were gonna play in the next few days and who was going to do what. They talked a little bit about how they wanted to plan another vacation sometime soon, with Jonathan included this time, but he wasn’t even paying any attention. Primarily he just watched Evan, trying not to make it obvious but probably failing, nervously fidgeting with his phone. When Evan’s arm slipped from the back cushions to Jonathan’s shoulders he hurriedly sent a text, cheeks bright red and heart beating so loudly in his chest that he was scared that the guys would hear it.

 _to Luke_ |    ** _I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS_**

Of course, his asshole best friend had the audacity to send back a winking emoji.

 

* * *

 

“No no _NOOOOOOOOO!_ NOGLAAAA!” Tyler screeched as David drove their car off the side of the track by accident, the subject of his anger cackle maniacally. “You fucking motherfucker!”

“I’m sorry,” David laughed. He didn't sound sorry.

“This race is ours, boys!” Ryan shouted, halfway across the map with Luke in the passenger’s seat. All of them had been making plenty of content with Evan, of course they had been, but since Jonathan was at his house and they had other things to do the game sessions were never very long. Which meant that the rest of the guys had more free time to make content amongst themselves like this.

“I don’t think so!” Craig yelled as he and Brock caught up to them, attempting to bully them off the road.

“Can I ask you something Luke?” David spoke, efficiently halting the competitive mood of the game.

“Now’s not the time for small talk,” Tyler jabbed as he nervously spectated David speed along in hopes of passing the other two.

“What are you talking about? Now’s the perfect time for small talk,” he responded, making his character dance around in his seat.

“What is it, Daithi?” Luke gave in despite Tyler’s objection.

“You’ve known Delirious for a really long time, right?” he started, and everyone else fell relatively quiet, curious about where this was going.

“Mhmmm…”

A notification alerted them that MiniLadd and Moo Snuckel had died but none of them reacted, allowing David to go on. “And you’ve known Evan for a long time, right Brock?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess you could say that,” Brock replied.

“Do either of you think there’s something going on between them?” Nobody said a word. “Because I started to as a joke but now I actually do.”

“I mean… maybe,” Luke drawled evenly, sounding less than surprised about the idea.

“What the hell, are you like hoping that our friends are fag—?” Tyler began, but something slammed over the microphone and cut him off.

“Don’t fucking say it Tyler!” David yelled. It was the only genuine anger they'd seen him direct at one of his friends for the first time in what had to have been years. “That fucking shit right there. What if there is something going on? Well they wouldn’t fuckin’ tell us because we’re always fuckin’ dicks about shit like that!”

Brock purposely ended the racing match, returning them to the GTA screen. Nobody noticed. “It was just a fucking joke, Nogla!” Tyler shouted back through his mic.

“So what?” David snapped. “We shouldn’t even be making jokes like that anymore!”

“Can you two take a deep breath?” Brock jumped in as he sensed how quickly this was beginning to escalate.

“No, we’re settling this right now!” David snapped. “No more of those goddamn jokes and no more of that fucking word!”

Tyler started to say something back, something that sounded apologetic, but suddenly Luke was talking with a dangerous edge that deterred everyone from even thinking of trying to talk over him or cut him off. “Alright, listen the fuck up. I didn’t think I was ever going to be the one to let the cat out of the bag, but I also didn’t think we’d be talking about this shit. What I’m saying stays with the people in this chat and if you talk about it to anyone else I’ll fucking kill you, got it?”

Like terrified school children in the presence of the world’s strictest teacher, the rest of the boys immediately they swore they wouldn’t. “We’re not gonna post anything from this session either,” Brock added. Everyone else quickly agreed.

“Right. Well… Delirious _is_ actually gay,” Luke said, a dare to say something negative about it lacing his words. “Anyone got a problem with that?”

“Shit.” Tyler was the first one to speak up, sounding both guilty and upset. “Shit, I didn’t know. No, of course nobody’s got a problem with it. Nogla’s right, no more jokes. And uh… I’m sorry guys.”

“It’s okay.” The anger faded from David's attitude. “I’m sorry for getting all worked up.”

“For what it’s worth,” Luke sighed as he left his protective mode, “Delirious always makes jokes like that too, so… I don’t think you’ve hurt him in any way.”

“… So…” Craig started after some silence, a playful note in his voice. “ _Do_ we think there’s something going on with him and Evan then? I know the fans do.”

Some of them gave little laughs, the tension in the chat ebbing away, making it apparent that no friendships were damaged today. “I think there is,” Ryan chirped. “Come on, that’d be cute.”

“It would be,” Tyler agreed with a hint of nervousness still hiding in his tone, like he was afraid he would say something wrong. “Daithi, that joke video you made about them would come true!”

David laughed loudly. Underneath it the others could hear Tyler’s relieved exhale. “It would!”

“I think it could be a thing, Evan’s never come out or anything but I could see it,” Brock chimed, singing a little happy jingle afterwards that made his friends chuckle. “What do you think Toonz?”

They heard him snicker in the way that often had them wondering if he knew something that nobody else was aware of. (He probably did.) “Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

“Dude, I can’t drink anymore,” Jonathan giggled, pressing his sleeve against his mouth to hide his smile. Evan laughed along, swirling the contents of his glass as he watched him. In real life Jonathan was clearly the same Delirious that everyone had come to know and love, but there was something softer about him. _Cuter_ , Evan’s drunken thoughts whispered.

“Yeah, I think I’m done after this,” he said before glancing at what remained of his beer, decidedly tossing it down his throat. He slid off the bar stool with a content sigh and stretched. “I’ll be right back. Bathroom.”

Jonathan mumbled a slurred acknowledgement and Evan pushed his way through the crowded bar—club, that was more what it was—to get to the restrooms. It had been two weeks now since Jonathan had showed up on his porch and Evan couldn’t help but notice how much happier he’d felt during that span of time. He’d been up all last night wondering if it was because of Jonathan, or if it was just having someone around in general. (Somewhere in his head he knew it was the prior, but for some reason he couldn’t admit that to himself.)

They still hadn’t talked about why Jonathan had come up to begin with, but Evan wasn’t sure they needed to anymore. All the stuff that’d been dragging his mood down had changed, or his perspective on it had… It was a depression that all began with wondering if his YouTube career mattered, and with the support he’d been getting from all his friends lately, especially from Jonathan, he’d realized it definitely did. Not only because he’d met them, but because of the subscribers who looked to him to brighten their days as well.

He chuckled to himself as he finished using the urinal and moved to the sink, turning on the tap. The whole crew had all learned pretty quickly that Jonathan was staying at Evan’s house, but a couple days ago the subscribers had found out too. Well, _found out_ was a strong way of putting it. A jackass known as Daithi De Nogla had decided to announce it in one of his videos on his channel in the form of a poorly thought-out comment. The shippers were having a field day and the fanfictions were practically writing themselves, though they tended to be pretty cool fanfictions so whatever. Besides, the fans and the guys alike were collectively happier than they had been half a month ago.

Evan lazily dried his hands with a paper towel before exiting the bathroom, blinking to adjust to the flashing, colourful lights once more. He scanned the area for his friend, aiming to make it back to the counter where he’d left him, vision swimming only a little bit. God, he hadn’t been this drunk in ages.

“No… Uh, no thank you.” He turned his head towards the familiar voice and his eyes fell on Jonathan, which was good, but the scene before him didn’t make him _feel_ very good. In fact it made rage begin to boil in his stomach and he felt himself gritting his teeth. His friend was still sat on the same stool he had been before, but he was scrambling back and onto the one adjacent to it in a panicked way. The reason? An obviously intoxicated skinny brunette who had her hands all over him and was clearly trying to climb into his lap.

“I know you wanna kiss me,” she said in a voice that was meant to be seductive, but her words were blending together. Evan practically stormed over and pushed her off of Jonathan, gently but firmly.

“Can’t you tell he doesn’t want you? Jesus,” he said, glaring at the woman while Jonathan sat up straight again. His hands were shaking just enough that Evan noticed it. The girl glared right back, upset about her advances being rejected not only by the person she was making them on, but by some random guy as well.

“Who the fuck are you?” she spat out venomously, reaching to put a hand back on Jonathan’s chest. But he stumbled out of the stool just as Evan shot out an arm to stop her, using the other to drag Jonathan against himself and out of her reach. Her mouth fell open for a second but then her lips twisted into a sneer that made Evan’s skin crawl. “Oh, I get it. You’re fucking faggots!”

“What?” Jonathan squeaked. “That’s not—”

“Well if you’re _not_ together, then there’s no reason why _I_ can’t have you,” she said, slipping off her own stool and taking a step towards them. Evan instinctively took one back, pulling Jonathan with him, arm still around the shorter man’s chest. _That’s not how fucking consent works you cunt_ , he wanted to scream, but somehow he managed to bite his tongue.

“We are. We are together,” Evan stated instead, hoping that if she did think they were boyfriends she’d just _leave_. But she didn’t. She raised a poorly-drawn eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, popping her hip out to the side.

“Bullshit,” she bit back. Evan had never wanted to hit a girl ever in his life until then. Not necessarily because she was a bitch, but because of how anxious Jonathan was getting due to her. He was holding his breath and the slight shaking from before was becoming more violent.

“Fuck off,” Evan growled before nudging Jonathan’s arm and gesturing towards the door. He nodded and began to walk towards it but the girl darted out her hand, her fingers looping around his wrist.

“Just give me—” A chance, Evan assumed is what she was going to say, but they would never truly know. She stopped talking as Evan grabbed Jonathan’s face in both hands and kissed him, only pulling away after she’d run off, screeching slurs as she went.

“Evan?” He tore his eyes from where she’d disappeared and looked down at Jonathan, realizing his hands were still on his cheeks and letting go with a nervous clear of his throat. But Jonathan was smiling, as if he hadn’t even noticed himself. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

  

When Jonathan finally woke up the next day he was still in all his clothes (shoes included) and was curled up against something warm. He peeled his eyes open and wasn’t too surprised to discover that said something warm was Evan, also fully dressed but definitely not awake yet. He smiled slightly, cuddling more into his side since Evan already had an arm around him anyways. The events from the club jumped around in his brain as he let his eyelids fall closed again, not ready to face the morning light, but eventually he could only think of one moment: The kiss.

He listened to Evan’s breaths as he mulled over it, his head rested against the younger man’s shoulder. It had been his friend’s drunken idea of getting out of a bad situation, Jonathan knew that, and he appreciated it. But he just couldn’t help but wonder… No. Absolutely not. Evan _did not_ feel the same way. Sure, all of them made gay jokes all the time, but there was no way any of them were actually gay. _Except for me I guess_ , Jonathan thought, though none of the guys knew that part. And he wasn’t certain they needed to know about his sexuality or that he was in love with Evan quite yet.

…

His eyes flew open and his breath hitched. He was in love with Evan? He was in love with Evan. He was _in love with Evan!?_ He sat up abruptly and nearly fell out of the bed, the actions so sharp and sudden that Evan was actually startled awake. Embarrassed, Jonathan darted to the bathroom, coincidentally just as his hangover made itself present. He’d be able to chock up his weird behavior to that he thought as he bent over the toilet and threw up whatever he had in his stomach. But still his heart was racing and his mind kept replaying the same thought on loop.

_I’m in love with Evan…_

But like hell Evan loved him back. He’d play off the tears in his eyes as part of throwing up as well, but they weren’t. They really weren’t and he hated himself because of it.

The rest of the day felt tense and Jonathan knew he was the main reason. He wasn’t consciously trying to, but he found himself avoiding his friend to the point that Evan ended up leaving for a couple hours to hit the gym and run some errands while Jonathan stowed away in the guest bedroom to call Luke. (Which was, in summary,  _I know what those feelings I have are now and I’m terrified._ ) It wasn’t until it was beginning to get dark that the two regrouped, under the suggestion that they should order something in for dinner tonight.

“You know you don’t have to feel obligated to stay here,” Evan said as they were transferring pizza slices from box to paper plates. Jonathan almost dropped his on the floor as his head shot up to look at him. “I’m… I’m okay now. I promise.”

“I…” Jonathan closed his mouth, swallowing, his face falling. Of course Evan would want him to go after last night, and after how he’d been acting today. “I can go home whenever you want me to.”

He was shocked when Evan laughed, shaking his head and putting his plate down on the counter. “I don’t want you to at all. Having you here’s been the best.”

Jonathan smiled at that but it was a sad smile, one that didn’t really mean much. Evan must have noticed because his own smile faltered. “I’ll go. Just… You’re okay?”

Evan nodded, the light that usually reflected in his eyes being absorbed by them instead. “I’m okay… Are you?”

Shit. Jonathan tried his best to say yes, tried to form the words on his tongue, but dammit he was a terrible liar. He could do it over text or call, but face to face… Well, he could already tell by the look Evan was giving him that he wasn’t going to convince anyone. So he decided to shift the focus. “What _was_ it that was making you so upset?”

Evan bit his lower lip before turning his head away, an action that Jonathan took just a second too long to watch. “I was worried that my channel and what I did wasn’t worth anything. But if I didn’t have my channel I wouldn’t have met you… so it’s worth a lot.”

Jonathan nodded gently, looking down and shuffling his toes nervously while shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. “The guys _are_ pretty great…”

He looked up as something hit him in the chest, realizing with curiosity that it was a torn off piece of pizza crust. He quirked an eyebrow at Evan and the smirk he was wearing. “I didn’t say the guys you motherfucker, I said _you_.”

He tried really hard not to blush, but he wasn’t sure he was successful. “That doesn’t mean you don’t get tired of me though, if you want me to go home that’s okay.”

“No!” Evan groaned, starting to adopt the playful tone he typically used when they were in game sessions. “I _just said_ that I _don’t_ want you to leave! What’s wrong with you?”

Jonathan wished so much that he could feel as lighthearted. “Not even after last night?” he asked, looking up through his lashes, and Evan’s smile remained on his lips but faded from his eyes.

“You… mean after I kissed you?” he said, his voice growing quiet. Jonathan nodded nervously. “Why would I not want you to stay because of something I did?”

“I don’t know,” Jonathan whined. He started feeling overwhelmed as he tried to formulate how to explain his thinking. “Like, don’t you regret it or something?”

Evan’s brow fell and he tilted his head. “What? Delirious, I don’t—”

“You didn’t want to but had to so we could get out of there, right? And kissing another dude can be weird. It’s weird right?” Before he could continue rambling Evan stepped forward, putting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Amusement flickered in his eyes and Jonathan’s face flushed pink.

“Jon,” Evan started, hand falling to Jonathan’s upper arm, “I don’t regret it. It happened, and it’s fine, okay? We’re fine.”

He stared up at him for a few seconds, but eventually Jonathan smiled and nodded. “Alright.”

Evan nodded in return, taking his hand back and grabbing his neglected pizza from where he’d left it. “Now come on so I can destroy you in Prop Hunt.”

  

* * *

 

“Evan, Evan,” David said, his character sliding into the passenger’s seat of his car. Along with the two of them was Jonathan, Tyler, Ryan, Luke, Marcel, Brock, Craig and Brian, which was a larger group than usual but not unheard of. It was a GTA day, and they’d just finished up a skit for the start of the video.

“What, Nogla?” Evan asked offhandedly, only half paying attention to the game. Because right beside him with his cheek pressed against his bicep was Jonathan, who was very hard to ignore.

“We should get Delirious,” David replied, voice dropping to a pretend whisper, and Evan laughed as the man next to him sat up straight.

“Hey! Don’t you dare!” he shouted as he bolted away from the car.

“No no no, we can’t do dat,” Evan said, shaking his head to himself. “He’s sitting right next to me so we can’t be sneaky.”

“Dammit, he’s still there?” David in an annoyed tone that was obviously not authentic. “What, are you guys living together now?”

“It’s been like three weeks,” Ryan remarked as he started placing C4s around Luke’s bike.

“Get married,” Tyler blurted out, the bluntness of it causing the entire Discord chat to be drowned in laughter. They were just starting to calm down again when Evan felt the sofa shift beside him, and he glanced over to see Jonathan slipping onto the floor on one knee.

“Vanoss, will you marry me?” he said in a goofy voice, presenting his gaming controller as if it were a ring.

“Oh my god,” Evan laughed loudly. He pressed a hand to his reddened face and peeked at Jonathan from in between his fingers. “I wish you guys could see him right now.”

“Say yes, say yes, say yes!” Craig began chanting, soon followed by Tyler and Marcel, and eventually by everyone. Jonathan lifted an eyebrow with a smirk on his face, and though he was definitely having a good time with all of this, Evan also couldn’t shake the bizarre twisting in his chest. He hid it well enough that Jonathan couldn’t have noticed, but he felt it, and he couldn’t place it no matter how much he tried.

“Yes, I’ll marry you Delirious.” While the boys cheered Jonathan popped up and tossed his arms around Evan’s shoulders, falling sloppily on the sofa in a way that ended with him halfway in his friend’s lap

“Yeayyy! I love you Vanoss!” he said enthusiastically, and Evan had to wrap his arm around the smaller man’s waist to avoid getting it pinned between their bodies.

“Aww, young love,” David cooed, at about the same time Ryan jumped from the plane that Brock and Brian were passengers of, sending them crashing into the city in a flurry of screams.

“Young? Delirious is old as shit,” Tyler teased, earning immediate protests from Luke and Ryan quicker than Jonathan himself could even process the insult. Which was probably for the best because he and Evan had found themselves in an awkward predicament.

“Get the fuck off of me,” Evan chuckled as the guys continued bullying Luke and Ryan, grinning up at Jonathan, who was close to a point that it would be uncomfortable if it were anyone else.

“I can’t,” Jonathan giggled back, though his eyes were locked on Evan’s. He wasn't even trying to untangle the headphone wires he’d managed to get knotted together. After a few seconds that felt like pulse-raising years, Evan pulled his headset off before taking his friend’s as well.

 _Do it, you want to, you know you want to_ , his mind said as he smiled gently at Jonathan, holding the headsets in his hands, but he made a point to ignore it. “Hang on guys, wire troubles,” he said into the mic, muting them as Jonathan finally moved to get off his legs.

“Can I tell you something?” he asked shyly as Evan set to fixing their problem. He glanced up and nearly dropped the headphones because Jonathan was toying with the hem of his shirt, eyes downcast, a light pink color dusting his cheeks and… He was adorable. He was so _fucking cute_ that Evan didn’t even try chasing the thought away this time.

“Hmm?” he managed to get out, trying to remember how to function properly.

“I…” A look of fear flashed across Jonathan’s face. Evan watched as he closed his eyes before shaking whatever he’d been about to say out of his head. He looked over with those striking blue orbs of his and Evan’s breath was taken away as his friend gave a wobbly smile. “Nothing.”

They regarded one another for a long couple of moments, and as Jonathan turned his head away to break the eye contact Evan just barely stopped himself from wondering aloud if the fluttering in his stomach was normal. Instead he turned away as well, making quick work of the tangled cords and passing Jonathan’s back to him. “Wanna fuck with Terroriser?”

Jonathan snickered, slipping the device over his ears and smirking towards Evan. “Hell yeah.”

Two days later all the guys had a video with the phrase “H2OVanoss Wedding” in the titles uploaded to their channels, including Evan and Jonathan’s own. Three days later and the pair had marriage fanart as their phone backgrounds, and were having a great time giving goofy answers to the things tweeted at them by curious subscribers. Four days later, David had published his own goddamn fanfiction (with a bonus smut scene, of course) in which he was the best man at the imaginary wedding and it was a fandom-wide inside joke. Five days later, Evan looked up at his best friend from the opposite side of the table and realized he really was in love with him.

  

* * *

 

“Well, that’s everything.” Jonathan gave a bittersweet smile, letting go of the bag’s handle as he placed it by the door. It was a little over a month since he’d come here, and as much as he’d have liked to simply stay forever, he knew that wasn’t how life worked.

“Yeah…” The look on Evan’s face was making this so much more difficult, and his heart physically hurt because although he knew he had to go home he really didn’t want to. “I’ll miss you though.”

Jonathan swallowed hard before nodding his head and blinking a few times. He was trying his best not to cry. “I’ll miss you.”

It didn’t matter, Evan must have caught the strain in his voice because his expression morphed into something even sadder before reaching out for a hug. Jonathan complied, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist and pressing his face against his chest. “Thank you,” Evan practically whispered against Jonathan’s hair, breath warm and comforting.

“For what?” he asked, neither of them willing to let go of the other, leaving them embracing in the main hall with sunlight trickling in through the cloth blinds covering the windows.

“For being there for me, man,” Evan replied, taking a long breath in before reluctantly letting Jonathan go. His hand was still resting against his arm as they looked at one another.

“I’ll always be there for you, idiot,” Jonathan said playfully, grinning despite the tears threatening to fall from his lower lashes. Somehow he just knew that stepping out of the house was going to be one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

“This has been a really good month,” Evan responded softly, looking off to the side, and that was it. Jonathan had to wipe his cheeks with his sleeve to avoid looking like a blubbering fool because he was crying now and there was no stopping it. And yet he wore a smile on his face that felt as real as the one painted on with clown makeup, laughing under his breath.

“Gay,” he commented teasingly with a quiet sniffle.

“I hope so.” They both froze at that, one in disbelief of what he’d just heard and the other in disbelief of what he’d just said, eyes going round on both ends. Evan’s gaze whipped up to meet Jonathan’s, mouth hanging open as he fumbled for the right thing to say and Jonathan could hear his own heartbeat in his ears.

“ _What!?_ ” he squeaked out, forcibly keeping the smirk he felt coming on hidden, a special kind of joy flooding his system as he put the pieces together in his mind.

“Nothing!” Evan said sharply. He was attempting desperately to fix the situation and becoming more and more red in the as he did. “It was a joke! I was joking, it was a bad joke, I didn’t—”

“Evan,” Jonathan giggled fondly, and his friend stopped talking, a mixture of confusion and hope on his face that was extremely endearing. “Me too.”

The younger man blinked once. “What?”

“Me too,” Jonathan repeated, affection overtaking every other emotion he had and causing him to smile so wide that his cheeks hurt. “I love you too.”

A moment passed, then recognition flashed in Evan’s eyes. “Can… Can I…?”

“You’re not good at this,” Jonathan stated jokingly, and next they knew they were kissing, arms wrapped around one another again. In books first kisses were always described like fireworks, painted in a poetic picture so emotional and raw that Jonathan had always dismissed it as over dramatic. But here, now, he finally understood why they were written that way.

“Don’t go,” Evan managed to say after a minute, their lips still touching but not pressed together and eyes closed. Jonathan leaned into the hand Evan had at some point placed against his cheek.

“You know I don’t want to,” he said, the euphoria beginning to wear off as he realized he still had to go. He’d finally gotten his feelings out into the open with the best possible outcome and yet he was _still_ _leaving_ , and it was the last thing he wanted to do. Evan’s breath hitched but he nodded a little, bringing their mouths together one more time before taking half a step back and opening his eyes.

“Come back soon?” he suggested instead.

“I think it’s your turn to come to me, actually,” Jonathan smiled, and Evan chuckled as he shook his head.

“Fuck you,” he said, looking down and just barely missing the devious grin playing out on Jonathan’s face.

“Well there _is_ two hours before my flight,” he said and Evan’s head shot up, his eyes matching his owl persona’s. He waged a war in his mind, Jonathan could see it, weighing options and making decisions. The decision he settled on, it seemed, was crashing their lips together again and roughly pinning Jonathan against the nearest wall he could get him to.

 

* * *

 

“Babe— I mean Delirious! Fuck.”

“ _EXCUSE ME???_ ” Tyler’s voice echoed through the mics, laughter following in its wake (Jonathan’s louder than all the rest).

“We’re married, remember?” he said after a couple seconds, and immediately Evan jumped on board to try to cover his misspeak.

“Yeah, he’s my wife guys,” he said. That was met with a chorus of protest.

“Shut the fuck up!” Craig and Tyler shouted in unison, both of them sounding far from upset or put off.

“Bullshiiiiiiiiit,” David sang as he ran around Evan and Jonathan’s characters.

“You’re dating,” Brian stated confidently. Marcel was off and asking them when it happened before either of them could deny it.

“Shut the fuck up!” Evan yelled, embarrassment and amusement rolling into one. “Jon— AHH, _DELIRIOUS!_ WHY DO I KEEP FUCKING UP TODAY!?”

“Secret’s out!” Jonathan called in reply. The chat was sent into anticipating silence. “Evan’s actually nice to me sometimes.”

“FUCK OFF!” Tyler barked in reply, Jonathan cackling as he went on. “You’re together and we know it and it’s _fucking cute_ , you dicks.”

"My fanfiction's gonna be real!" David said gleefully as he pretended to cry over it.

“Except I’m not gonna wear a dress,” Jonathan said smugly. A second passed before everyone else started enthusiastically blabbering about how happy they were that they really were together. Evan nor Jonathan denied it, intentionally leaving their friends to the conclusion that it was true.

“You get to see each other again soon, right?” Tyler asked as the overlapping chatter began to slow down, pride and love coming through in his voice.

“I’m flying out there in a week,” Evan answered.

“Good thing too,” Jonathan piped up, shoving Evan’s game character around for the hell of it. “I haven’t gotten laid in three months.”

“Gross,” Marcel teased. He shot at him as revenge for oversharing.

“The fanfiction really _is_ coming true,” David said, driving the others into laughter again.

“Yeah, but you got _one_ other ting wrong,” Evan said in a borderline flirtatious tone, and though he was talking to David the words clearly weren’t directed at him. “I top.”

“YOU BITCH!” Jonathan shouted, smacking him over the head with the back of his gun while the other guys either laughed or voiced their (pretend) disgust.

“Are we gonna have to deal with editing you two flirting out of our videos from now on?” Craig asked as Evan, by some magic, ended up killing his boyfriend rather than it being the other way around.

“Probably,” he confessed honestly.

“Thanks for making our editor's jobs harder you assholes,” Marcel joked lightheartedly.

“Don’t worry don’t worry, we’ll all try to be professionals here,” Evan said. He was seizing the time that everyone was distracted to start laying traps to lure them into later.

“Hold on, I wanna grab a drink,” Jonathan cut in, sounding further from the microphone as he presumably put his headset on the desk. “I love you Evan!”

In that moment the other boys heard Evan speak with the most sincere and earnest voice they’d ever heard before. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

 _from Luke_   |    ** _So I’m gonna be the best man not Daithi right?_**  

 _to Luke_   |    ** _What?_**

 _from Luke_ |    ** _At you and Evan’s wedding_**

 _to Luke_   |    ** _THERE IS NO WEDDING_**

 _from Luke   |_ **_Yeah but there will be because he’s the one isn’t he?_ **

_to Luke_ |    ** _He sent me five selfies of him flipping me off yesterday._**

 _from Luke_ |    ** _And one of them is your phone background now._**

 _to Luke_ |    ** _That’s not the point >:(_**

 _from Luke_ |    ** _Which means…?_**

 _to Luke_ |    ** _…_**  

 _to Luke_ |    ** _Which means you’re right, he’s the one._**

 _to Luke_   |    ** _And you can both be the best man :p_**

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired loosely by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJP-MzJaYDQ
> 
> I'm not sure what was going on when they were filming it but Evan definitely wasn't okay. I think he is now (hopefully) but either way, make sure you y'all drop some love for him (and the other guys) in the comments section next time you watch one of his videos. Make sure he can't forget we love him ;p
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you wanna see more fics involving these guys because although I wrote this one on a whim I definitely have more ideas.


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